A NOVICE’S GUIDE TO WEARING BLUE

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AN EARLY DABBLING IN A DANGEROUS COLOUR PALETTE

I once fancied a chicken because he had glasses. I know that may sound confusing but I harboured within my adolescent loins a curious and unadultered fascination with spectacle-clad gents. He was a member of the cast of Chicken Run, not a lead character, oh no – an underdog – and I was about sixteen. Ok, you may be wondering what this has to do with my sartorial choices but trust me, it has everything to do with them! Bear with me.

IMGP0033 FI had an unrequited crush on a man named Eoin who worked in the local pizza parlour, Gino’s.  By some strange twist of fate, every time I saw Eoin, I was wearing the exact same outfit. It was an azure blue Benetton zip-up hoodie with striped arms, teamed with a pair of denim hipster flares, flowers embroidered at the nethermost area of each leg. Every time I put on that outfit, I would experience a distinct sense of foreboding that I may in fact, come across my unrequited love and that he would mistake me for a common tasteless urchin, resigned to one sartorial option. ‘Nonsense, fool,’ I would reassure myself, ‘you haven’t worn this outfit for two months.’ Yet, systematically, each time I pulled those gauche leg-stunting denims over my teenage hips, the inevitable happened. Our love was doomed.

IMGP0049 FSince that day, I never wore blue again. True fact. Like a bad fringe that won’t grow out, the shadow of bluish possibility hung over me for many years. I missed out on trends and fads and shied away from conversations when the talk turned to ecchymotic matters.

IMGP0151 FSo, when I saw this Maje Air Force Academy jumper I thought twice about buying it. I persisted in my affections. I visited the jumper on the Outnet daily. I courted it, whispering sweet nothings to my blank computer screen wishing it would give me a sign that we were right for each other. I wanted it to persuade me that it wouldn’t accentuate the pullulating pigments of chartreuse and pistachio my skin contained underneath the strata of foundation I layered on my face to make myself look less Caucasian.  Even with my best anti-redness relief primer would this steely shade make me look like a bilious waif of the Cold War period?

IMGP0126 FThen I thought back to the chicken I called Eoin (despite that not being his name at all). What would Eoin do, I thought? Not much, I decided, except maybe totter about the farm or get into some hilarious capers but that was just distracting because Eoin would never have worn a jumper. He had a gorgeous body, clad with luscious feathers and really and truly, a jumper would look ridiculous on him. This minor cogitation was getting a little distracting so I got back to the matter at hand. Was I going to let that jumper get away at such a great price? Sadly, yes, I was. But guess who wasn’t? Steven Paul Richardson. My photographer and gentleman friend, the man with the ass that launched a thousand ships. Thank you for SPR for my jumper.And thank you for making me believe in blue again. You, good sir, are a true patron of the Arts. x

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OUTFIT DETAILS:

Jumper: Maje, The Outnet, reduced from €125 to €62.50, available online here.

Skirt: H&M, instore now, €39.99.

Shoes: BCBG, TK Maxx, €55.

Socks: River Island, €1, bought on recent mid-season sale. Similar available in Topshop, here. 

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5 Comments Add yours

  1. My wardrobe is full of blues lol Love the story to go along with this outfit choice and I really like both the jumper & the skirt. x

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    1. Thanks a mill Danielle! True story! I hated blue for years! So silly really! x

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  2. Caz Butler Kelly says:

    Loved reading this! Laugh out loud material! I can confirm that the ‘chicken crush’ is a very real tale and for what it’s worth, Eoin had a ‘devil may care’ kinda attitude that made one sit up and take note!! He didn’t so much don spectacles as he did respectacles. Power to him!! (Or her as we later discovered!!)

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    1. Woooooooooooo, YES equality. I fancied transgender chickens back in the nineties when we didn’t even know what that meant!

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    2. I don’t care what you say that chicken was masquerading as a male and if he wants to deny it, then he can but damn, he was fine!

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